Definitions While Growing Up
by teuriina
Summary: A lot of things are easier felt than expressed, easier said than done. What happens to a growing up Ryuzaki Sakuno asking and knowing the differences of companionship from friendship, admiration from love, envy from jealousy? And in the process, having the main reason of her enigmatic anxieties troubled by her for the same questions and mysteries? RyoSaku High School AU, reposted.


Disclaimer: The fanfiction author owns nothing.

This story is originally published on May 25, 2015.

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 **Chapter One:  
Five Year Crush**

Ryuzaki Sakuno is non-exceptional. Oftentimes, she would look and see herself as ugly and useless. If there would be anything that she would be good at, she would truly need to work very hard on it—though ideally, that is how life and reality should be, Ryuzaki Sakuno have always known, in contrast to what most people comprehend, compared to most people her age and circumstance, she never has it easy.

Being average, and most of the time below average, one of the things Ryuzaki Sakuno really needs to work hard on would be her five year old, and counting, crush on tennis prodigy, Echizen Ryoma.

Ryuzaki Sakuno, being the 12 year old middle school freshman that she was, had been but just another victim of the overly romanticized and mainstream popular culture of shojo animanga and free TV Asian dramas, had digested the thought of following your heart's call: Dedicating one's youth for the love of your secondary school crush from the way you look; to questioning your capacity in the kitchen and with doing household activities; up to making him your inspiration to excel in something; or/and to even dare try something you are totally bad at just to be with him, and later on, regretting your stupidity once it is too late and the humiliation and embarrassment had eaten you alive.

Ryuzaki Sakuno is utterly guilty of all, except for one which is, _"I will never cut my hair just because he says it's too long!"_ Ryuzaki has taken pride of that vow with herself, and in all honesty, is so far doing a great job for what seems to not only be a five year old crush and counting, but more likely already a decade and a half…

…but why Echizen Ryoma? Why Echizen Ryoma, _still_?

Even Osakada Tomoka has grown out of that obnoxious fangirling and cheering, once she saw through the adorable inferiority complex of the conceited declaration of a two year tennis experience of a colleague, she had toned down and matured with her affections for her Horio-sama.

Maybe that is what true love is? Ryuzaki Sakuno asks herself. That is what true love is? Osakada Tomoka, of all people who seemed very superficial of her outlook towards people, has found true love with Horio Satoshi.

Ryuzaki is envious. Every time she looks at her friend and sees that very distinct smile on the latter's face, that glow, radiance, and positive aura that Osakda is unable to not share with others, Ryuzaki cannot help but feel left behind. Like she is left being immature for crushing on someone for so, so long and has not once had an actual boyfriend. It makes Ryuzaki think, just what is it that she has for Echizen? She is not sure if it is something way past infatuation…or maybe it is pride? That it is truly more about her not wanting to end up with someone not-good-enough because she is already not-good-enough, and has never been truly about liking Echizen?

People find it hilarious, the way Osakada and Horio ended up going out with each other. In all honesty, Ryuzaki does not want to be laughed at and be marked as one of the "clowns" by their peers. She feels bad that she too is this kind of rotten person to be succumbed by their society and sees her friend and her friend's boyfriend as such.

In spite of all the peer pressure, Ryuzaki admires and envies Osakada in many ways. Her friend is always so sure of herself. Ryuzaki would be embarrassed by the latter's loud antics, but Osakada genuinely and purely shows who she is and her love for others with great conviction, no shame, no hesitation. — Something the former is far from capable of. Half a decade of crushing on Echizen but not once has Ryuzaki been able to confess and ask him out. Is she even Japanese? She asks herself. It is not like she lives in a conservative community where a girl needs to be the one courted. Moreover, they do not even need to formally court anymore. Then what has she been doing all these years by preparing bento and going to shrines wishing him luck before matches? Are those not acts of courting yet?

That is when Ryuzaki Sakuno realizes it. She has been indirectly courting Echizen Ryoma for half a decade now. No wonder nothing has happened. It is not only Echizen Ryoma paying attention to tennis alone, Ryuzaki too, has done almost nothing significant.

 _To be continued_

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This story is cross-posted on **Archive of Our Own** by **teuriina**.

Listen to this story's music playlist by: **  
**1\. Searching for the **Definitions While Growing Up** by **ri . ie . er** on **Spotify**. **  
**2\. Visiting **teuriina** on **Tumblr**.


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